Don't make out with my wife yet
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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