If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
