Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Randomize
