I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
