she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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