Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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