They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
