tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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