If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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