You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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