I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize