I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
