You really coming over, don't trick.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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