how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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