His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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