id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
