so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
