He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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