it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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