I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
