We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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