I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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