My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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