so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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