I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
