Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
