Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
