I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
