If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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