I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
