I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
