I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
