then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think your dad took our porno
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
