accomplished twins. life is a go
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
