she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
