I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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