I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
