hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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