you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
