Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
