So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize