He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize