I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
