He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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