I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
