So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
