Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
