Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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