I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
