ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
