Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
