Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
