I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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