Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
