Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
MIDGETS
????
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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