Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i out mim tonsoeep
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