he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
