Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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