The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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