I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
