dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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