JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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