Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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