I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my being single is dangerous.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
