This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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