i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
