just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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