fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
