it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
even my farts smell like vagina
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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