I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
