Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
